I believe we are lucky to have teenagers.
It's an amazing age when our children are discovering themselves and exploring the mystery of life in a completely different way each day.
And while they are on this enthralling journey, as parents we go through an emotional roller coaster, hitting highs and lows we never thought existed within us.
I have always felt uncomfortable when someone says "you know how they are - teenagers!” I think the labelling and pre-empting of behaviour patterns is unfair many a time and may perhaps be influencing teenagers to live up to the reputation.
Having said that, I do acknowledge that some behaviour patterns do exist amongst teenagers, just as patterns of behaviour also exist amongst us as parents.
For some, it is an instantaneous 'No' to any request. Some of us treat them as adults too soon, and some of us are in denial and refuse to let them grow up leading to the all too familiar "I'm not a kid anymore" scream.
I am guilty of all of the above in varying degrees. To tell you the truth, I am as inconsistent as a teenager!!(Now who's labelling?) My daughter who will be 15 soon is conveniently "You are just 14" or “You are almost 15" depending on what the request is and what suits me. At times, I swing between trying to tell her she needs to be independent while fiercely refusing permission to let her even try and explore her capabilities.
And I know I am not alone. I'm sure there are many mums and dads out there, wondering when to let go and when to hold back.
I am certain we all have days when we are exasperated both with our teenagers and with ourselves, wondering if we could have handled things differently. I am sure we have all had moments when our teenager has said "You just don’t understand me" even as you tell them they will understand you only when they grow up and have children of their own.
Do we really have to wait that long?
That is the main reason for starting this blog - to try and bridge the gap.
As we share experiences with other parents we will be able to see things in perspective. When we start sharing our emotions, high and low, that come with raising teenagers and understand what other parents and other teenagers are experiencing, we may realise "we are not alone" and pick up constructive suggestions of coping along the way.
I invite you to this blog and hope you invite your friends, both dads and mums to it.
How this will work
I will blog under my name only to facilitate administration and suggestions on how we can shape this blog. My blog as a parent will be under a pseudonym.
Users can either comment on other posts or post your own on this space.Anyone can leave a comment, but to post a blog, you will need to recieve an invite as an author/contributor. The best way is to request for an invite after having created a username and email id which will not identify you. You can send in your request via email or leave a request on the comments space.
My suggestion to post blogs and comments using a username or screen name (which is not any person’s name) is just so that the privacy of our family is maintained. Please avoid any reference that may identify your teenager or their friends.
Please do give me your suggestions and advice to help improve this blog. I am a novice at this and would appreciate any help. I am sure this space will evolve as we pool in more resources.
I hope this becomes a safe space for us to communicate and make our journey with our children through their teenage years "the best years of their lives and ours".
I agree. A host of issues, which we think as problems, can be solved, if we consider the other person's ability to assimilate and respond. Age does not enter this equation. Each of us, irrespective of our stage in life, should consider the learning process endless. Teenagers today are often discarded as frivolous and wasters- not really so. We have a lot to learn too. This is the age of reasoning- convince or get convinced. I have learnt a lot from my daughter who is almost a third of my age. I consider her as a "friend, a fellow passenger in life's journey and sometimes even as a mentor." Remember the expression, "Chid is the father of man?"
ReplyDeleteI hope this blog attracts many parents and even teenagers to share their thoughts.
Venkat Raman
Auckland, New Zealand
I agree with Venkat- we can learn a lot from our children and if we keep an open mind and share ideas via thsi blog, it will be great.I strongly feel we should open this blog to our teenagers as well. Manju, I know you have mentioned that we will see if other parents want to include their children and then invite them. I am sure it will be great for them to share their thoughts with us. The sooner we try and bridge the gap, the better.
ReplyDeleteChristine
Waiheke, New Zealand
I like your title -BRIDGE and it just sparks the connection actually we are losing these days with our teenagers.I have two growing boys though they are not teenagers yet but I definitely feel that this bridge is missing and I keep assuming someone will do it for me or the initiative should come first come from the kids.But when I see the practicality of it I am trying to fake the fact that they are still kids but I expect them to behave like adults so in a way actually I am stopping or posing problems for them to be responsible adults in the long run.And in my calm times I try to justify this by thinking that I am living in a fantasy world which is of course my dream where I want to see that picture perfect with the kids all the time fitting that ideal frame but well this can never be the truth and the first step has to come from me even if I at least want something next to my picture perfect.I am always in a conflict where I can state some examples here-I want them to be more independent but never give it;I want them to be more responsible but interfere in each act of theirs;I want them to be standing up for their decisions but being the first one to put them down;I want them to be confident and have high self esteem but often taking them down by being critical and discouraging.And I want them to shine whereas I am the initiator to stop that process.So i definitely agree with Manju that we have expectations from kids but never provide that base that BRIDGE which lets them walk to us on their own and flow in the comfort zone and be there till they are able to make their own bridges.
ReplyDeleteHarmeen
Auckland,New Zealand.
Having a teenager is not a joke - especially taking into consideration the demands and explanations required by way of Why, What and How. My way of handling difficult situations would be by not saying a YES or a NO immediately, give it some time, have a think about it, have a chat with the other parent, and then, if its a YES, then its fine however if this is a NO, explain in a positive note as to why this is a NO. This is better when done on a one on one with the teenager child, as he or she understands it better rather than making it more of a discussion with others around.
ReplyDeleteI like teenagers - I was one myself once, though that was quite a time back now I hate to admit! My own child is still only a toddler and so we're years away from the trials and tribulations of having to deal with a teenager. However I think it's important to try and set the stage early in the childs life that they need to respect themselves, have goals that they aspire to and most importantly that they and you as parents are on the same and not opposing teams. As I say, I'm still at the early stages of parenthood, but I'm hoping that I can instill in my daughter these values early on that will help guide her through the teenage phase and successfully into adulthood.
ReplyDelete